"he's nuts..... he's duuuuummmb"

I love the things that I shouldn't.. and fall for the things I can't have...

When you find something that you want but that isn't yours.. everything else seems so mundane. It's like putting candy in front of a 3 years old and telling them not to eat it. I am the 3 year old in this situation.

Isn't it a funny feeling.. knowing you can get almost anything you want.. except the thing that you want the most? And knowing that everything else is going to fall short.. so why bother?

I've been on date after date. With boys.. men.. and everything in between. There is always something missing. Always. Actually, 99% of the time there's a lot missing.

I'm so tired of just going through the motions. That's all it is.. going through the motions.

Maybe I'm too picky? Maybe I give up to easy? Or I'm just too hard to please?

After being drug through the mud I know my tolerance level is non-existent. The funny thing is that I'm in no rush to have a relationship.. but at the same time I so badly want to give someone the world.. and for once in my life to feel safe with someone.

I don't have to have it all figured out tomorrow.. but It's kind of getting hard doing it all by myself. I've done it all by myself for so long.

It's going to take one amazing man to trample all of my fears. I don't think it's impossible.. I just have to find someone that wont give up on me.
......

It's the week before Christmas.. I have so much to still get done. I thought I was a lot farther along with it all than I am so now I'm scrambling a little bit. It hit me today it's less than a week away and I still have shopping.. baking.. all the wrapping. It's going to be a busy, busy week.

My heart is also so humbled today. I have a friend who lost their beautiful little baby girl a couple of years ago to a horrible disease. They lost her right before Christmas. My thoughts and prayers go out to them and their entire family right now. I know that this is not an easy thing for you all. I know that there will always be a missing piece to your Christmas ad to your hearts. I wish you knew how much I love and care about you and think about you constantly.

Hold on and cherish your family during the holidays. The presents.. all of it doesn't matter if you don't have them. <3