There are days I actually feel like I could be on a reality show... because half this sh*t doesn't actually happen to people.
On a side note, I have a real question. Do you believe in fate??
It's something that I've been thinking about for awhile now.
Do we have some pre-deterined destiny that we're all in search of?
I never thought I did.. never thought I believed in fate I mean. I thought that I believed in opportunity.. and maybe in a little bit of dumb luck..
but what do you call it when you meet someone you feel like you've known for a million years? Someone that seems to get you.. without really knowing you at all? Someone you can't see your life without? Someone who you feel like instantly becomes your best friend.. and makes you smile on even the bad days?
Is that fate?
Luck?
Opportunity?
Is there such a thing as having a soul mate? It's funny because at one point I believed in this.
"Soul mates."
Good Lord doesn't that just sound like 17 year old ~ first love .. mushy .......... BS?
Obviously I thought there was some truth to it at one point because well.. I was going to do it.
Get married. Jump. Take the leap. Sign away my life. You know.. all those blissful white picket fence things you do when you're in love to a complete and utter as*hole?
Well. I'm the dumb girl in that story. Fell for the wrong guy.. trusted the wrong guy.... and then was the one picking up the pieces.
But what if I just missed the mark? Or it was only leading me to something real. Something that I hadn't found before? Something that none of that could even touch? Come even close to?
It's funny when you look at life and all the people in it. If I was to give you an example of 2 people who got it right... it would be my parents.
Those 2.. they make love seem so easy.
They're working on 40 years, and not only do they love each other unconditionally.. they'd be lost without each other.
I don't know if I should say this because it might embarrass him.... well never mind my dad doesn't read my dumb blog anyway lol...
...not too long ago I was talking to my dad. I had asked him about my mom and about how he knew that she was the one. He was telling me all about Hawaii and them meeting and the summer they spent together there.
He had sort of been seeing this other girl back home at the time, and he told me all about my momma and about this other girl back home and how she was sort of waiting for him and how she was beautiful...
and then he said "but your mom.... (and he started to cry)
just nothing could have ever compared to her. Nothing."
My dad is from Utah, my mom had moved here after my grandfather was stationed at Hill.
At the time my dad was in Hawaii in the service, and my mom had gone there to spend the summer with a family friend.
They traveled what.. almost 3000 miles to find each other at church?
Fate?
Another example.. My baby. He was completely unplanned. I was completely unprepared to have him... an at the time it seemed like that scariest thing I had ever done.
But... almost exactly 1 year after almost dying in the hospital, in that very same hospital I brought my baby into the world.. just down the hallway. And you know what? He saved my life.
----> insert tissue box here I'm crying my freaking eyes out.
Fate?
I'm a fighter... I think. I like to tell myself that at least. I try to be. I hate the feeling of giving up. Actually, at times it's been bad because I couldn't let go when I should have. I held on for way too long... but how do you let go when you finally found the one thing in the world that makes sense?
Anyway this probably sounds like a lot of mumbo-jumbo and gibberish... just thought I'd get it out. It's been weighing on my mind all day.
Now I have to go hunt ghosts.
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