Happiness means never having to apologize for being me

Normally I blog late at night after my baby has gone to bed.. and it's quiet.. and I'm completely exhausted.. and left alone with my thoughts of the day.

Well.. I don't think that my thoughts ever really stopped last night, actually I don't think I really slept at all so I'm blogging now to get the rest of the overflow of emotions out so I can put it behind me and move on with this day.

I thought that I was going to wake up - make a fruit smoothie - throw some work outs on On Demand and get my butt back in gear.

The alarm went off and I felt like I had JUST closed my eyes. My baby threw on the T.V... and apparently last time that thing was on I must have been watching Hoarders on TLC or something because 19 Kids and Counting came on. Let me tell you the 2 ways to make it a bad morning. Well.... no....... just one way.. 19 Kids and Counting. I grabbed the remote to make Michelle Duggar shut the eff up but no matter how hard I hit the magical little red button to make it stop, it wouldn't. Batteries dead? I don't know.. I understand technology to about the same extent as I understand brain surgery. I don't do either.

I dragged my butt out of bed to turn off the TV and thought "Welp, I made it this far.. might as well keep going."

I threw on a sports bra, made me and Aiden fruit smoothies... threw on On Demand...

I made it through the first squat in my "Glute Grind" and then spent the rest of the 25 minutes sitting on the floor, hair on top of my head, fruit smoothie in hand......

One of us has better gluteus today.... well honey it aint me.

I am seriously lacking some motivation.

But.. I also woke up to a few things that sort of turned it around. (Minus my gluteus, I can't get that 25 minutes back) First of all, the NICEST people on Youtube ever. That sounds dumb but I woke up to some of the sweetest comments from complete strangers on what's really an awfully done video of me singing so, so and trying my best to play the guitar. Someone told me today that I've inspired them to learn how to play. WHAT!? I can't even play it. You miss are heaven sent. That was so incredibly sweet.

I woke up to some sweet messages and comments on Facebook.. one particularly that put it into perspective for me. I feel so blessed to have people around to kick my butt back in gear when I lose sight of the things in front of me.

It always blows me away.. for all the people who try to tear you down, how many there are around you who love and care about you who just want to see you move forward too.

I read another friend's blog today which was sort of interesting because it basically was focused on all the good things in his life right now. I try to do that in my life but I definitely could work on it. It's not that I don't know that I'm blessed.. because I am so grateful for everything I have.

So basically I just need to buck up and pull it back together. The one thing that I refuse to do is to look back... especially at an incredibly harmful past.

So... I'm going to hop in the shower - after my incredibly tense......... squat. Get ready for work.. and smile.

I may not be everyone's cup of tea.. but I think happiness is never having to apologize for just being me. And the right person will give me that.

I hope everyone has an amazing Tuesday ;)