A funny little 4 letter word __ __ __ __

My horoscope today was "Your newly discovered enthusiasm was previously only expressed hesitantly. Finally leave your past behind you and look ahead to the future. Don't be afraid to get rid of everything holding you back. You can even motivate others and become a role model to them thanks to the huge amount of vigour you are currently displaying. The sun will also support your plans."

Obviously this hit me hard.. It's right where I'm at and exactly what I need.

It's funny that this came today.. considering the past came back to haunt me yesterday. You would think that if you had made the decision and effort to leave a bad situation.. that it would stop finding you. Why does something so small... so stupid.. bring up so many painful emotions? Sometimes I wonder what the plan is. Sometimes I wonder why it feels like you've done everything you can.. but it still seems like God has another path.

Maybe there's still some life lesson in this I'm supposed to be learning?? How many life lessons can one person get???

You'd think there would only be so many tears you could cry.. and only so many times your heart could break.

I want someone who understands me. But not the strong, independent, loud.. say it like it is me. I want someone who understands the tears too. Someone who gets that sometimes my world falls apart. Someone who understands the cranky and impossible me.

I'm ready to move on.. actually.. I've been in the process of moving on. How do I find the strength that I must be lacking?

These last few weeks have been amazing. They have been spent with some really incredible people.. they have been absolutely perfect. If there's one thing that I do know.. it's that the people in my life right now are more than I could ever ask for.

It's hard not to be scared about what the future is going to bring when the only example you have of life is a hurtful and painful past.

The more I talk to people.. the more I realize how ridiculous the things I have to say sound... how unnatural what I've been through is. Most people... don't understand. Actually, there's only one person who has ever listened to it and never told me that I was lying about those things. To be honest though... I can't blame anyone for not understanding. It seems insane.. even to me.

There's just a missing piece... I don't know what it is.

Where do you find inspiration?