Dear Jon,

This has been the strangest week for me..

One of the saddest and happiest weeks I've ever experienced. My Tawni babes is getting married today to the love of her life and I could not be happier for her, but you went away and I'm still trying to figure out how to say goodbye.

Spending the last little while with you taught me so many things about life and love and family and friendship. It brought me back to a really.. scary and humble place in my heart that I haven't visited for a long time.

You taught me hope. You also taught me to get my damn life back into perspective. There was once a time when I knew all about the place that you were. Being in a hospital, trying to hold hope but knowing maybe that didn't make sense.

Thank you for the last few months. I will forever hold in my heart you telling me that you weren't scared.. because I was. You never stopped smiling.

Right before you left the whole world was so peaceful. You were peaceful. Someone came and cleansed the room, and us, and shortly after everything went quiet and you left us.

Thank you for the last hug you gave me. Thank you for all of it. For every minute I would never trade for anything.

I saw Shauna this morning, she looked beautiful... like she always does, everything about her is beautiful, most of all her heart.

I thought I was doing ok today.. and then I cut up a cucumber this morning and I fell apart. Completely apart. The water works.. all of it. I was holding a knife so I set that down, you and I both know that cucumbers shouldn't make anyone cry. Ever.

I've had this internal struggle for days now about not being able to be there for you today, and for Shauna. Life has funny timing sometimes. I want you to know that even though I can't be there for your party.... I'm thinking about you and love and miss you so damn much.

I didn't know what to do.. but I think you and I had our goodbyes. It's a really beautiful thing that the last thing you said to me was "I love you so much Liz".. and I got to say it back. I think that was a really incredible memory to leave behind for both of us.

I have to give Tawni away today... funny thing is I don't think I'm ready for that either.. but I hope you understand. Please know I would give the world to be with you today.. and really I am. She just needs a lot of love today too, and I don't want to miss holding her hand when it matters either... I hope I held your hand when it mattered the most to you.

High five God for me today... or something crazy. Just no rap songs in heaven ;)

I love you, forever and always Jon
Walk with God.