"Goodbye's are like a Roulette wheel, you never know where they're going to land"
I understand the reason why God brings people into our lives... it's when he takes them out of our lives that I don't fully understand.
Sometimes I think there's good in goodbye. Sometimes... I think that moving on with your life is when you give yourself the most clear and authentic opportunity to grow. Generally, I don't think it's the journey that brings certainty. I think it's hindsight..
I think looking back on the struggles, even the smiles... that's when you can truly see yourself...
but what if you're not ready for goodbye? Or it isn't a bad situation? Or you didn't have enough time yet??
What if you saw it all standing right in front of you, and it's taken away?
I guess one of the tragic and beautiful things about life is that it can all change on a dime. You have to make a conscious effort to soak up the moments and memories because it can all suddenly be taken away. That's a hard, hard lesson to learn... and normally it's one that you don't learn unless you've been forced to.
I was faced with my morality at the age of 20... and still I find myself asking questions I should already have the answers to... but I do know without that experience I would have looked past a lot of the joy I've had in the last 5 years also.
I don't know what to do really...
Do you fight for something that's leaving, knowing that you probably can't stop it even if you want to? Do you bow out gracefully? Do you send it away, praying that something will bring it back? Do you chalk it up for what it was... good memories... good laughs.. and watch it walk away?
There's a lot of things I believe strongly in... but this I don't have an answer to. How are you supposed to know? How do you know what to fight for and what to let go of?
I pray but I feel like I get turned in circles. I meditate... work out... and still I don't know what screams louder... my head or my heart. And which one is right? Which one am I supposed to listen to? Logic or emotion?
What do you think?
Logic, emotion is stronge when there has been a thoughful choice, not a flash descision. You are stronger than you know. Or than you give yourself credit for. You are doing a great job with your current dilemas, and worries. Even when it feels like the last thing you want to do, ask for help. From friends, family and especially your father in heaven. We are all there for you. :-)
ReplyDeleteI didn't feel like battling the comments on Facebook which is why I'm posting this here.
ReplyDeleteI don't believe in God. I think He is a ridiculous notion and most religions are based on various manipulative tactics. The mass psychology is well documented and there are a lot of holes in Christianity and especially the LDS faith. I haven't a problem with people needing to feel like something has control over all of this chaos and simply need to feel the comfort of an idea that something indeed does. What I have a problem with is a group of people setting guidelines for everyone else based on something not quantifiable or able to be measured or even verifiable.
I never felt more guilt on a regular basis than when I did believe in God. I had never done anything to merit the constant continual self ridicule that was taught to me by the church. Plus, in regards to my fellow faithful followers, as I learned in later years, I was pretty fucking stellar.
I'm not here to tell you to not believe in God or your faith, but I do blame it for your constant questioning if you're on the right path or making the right decisions. Church isn't for those who are perfect. Jesus didn't hang out in a cozy well furnished building found on every corner. He was out with the dregs and denizens of society giving them the hand up their fellow Brethren wouldn't.
Jesus understands you're imperfect. It's in fact the point. You're flawed, your struggling - but you're just fine. Mistakes are the only way we learn. There's a difference here between what the church would have you believe and what Jesus taught. Make mistakes. Get knocked down. Don't be afraid to try. Be a fool. Be stupid. You'll be better off for it and the one person who'll understand is Him. If He doesn't, He doesn't deserve your penance.
You're beautiful and amazing. You're flawed and quirky. Work on those things that bug you certainly, but don't get caught up in them. Life is way too short. Don't wait for signs that you're on the right path; just give it the best you've got and forget about the rest. Love yourself. Teach Aiden self love and respect and when you don't feel it, fake it.
If you gave it your honest best then that's enough and it always will be.
If you really need religious advice, read the New Testament. Your entire faith was built around the man so you might as well go straight to the source.